First blog! My story

December 26, 2009 dstevens11
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Since this such a difficult situation to talk about outside of therapy, with friends and family, my therapist suggested I start a blog. So here I am actually doing my New Year’s resolution. I hope this blog helps other families who are in this similar “special” situation, but I would love to hear feedback and support from other people as well. I know I can use it! and will definitely appreciate it. 
 
A little about my story – Long story short 🙂 
 
I am a 41 year old divorced mom of three, who my oldest is a transgendered daughter named James/Jamie (she is 15), I also have a 14 year old son, and an 11 year old daughter. All who live with me and see their father every two weekends. 
 
My daughter was diagnosed with GID almost 4 years ago. My ex husband and I were aware of her cross dressing for some time, she had been stealing and sneaking my clothes, and we found a stash of them in her closet. She had always been an effiminate boy, real sweet, caring, and lacked the interest in sports and the typical “boy” play of his brother and dad. My two sons were polar opposites, although they are only 15 months apart. We confronted our son about the clothing he had been stealing, and hiding, but he got real upset, denied everything and just kind of went into a shell. One thing I loved about all of the posts from other women I have been reading on their blogs, is how honest and upfront some of the children are about their feelings. It takes a lot of courage. I was not so lucky. All he did was deny, deny, deny and avoid, avoid, avoid the topic….But also became scarily introverted, and went into a shell. 
 
We took our son to a counselor, then to a specialist for about a year. During that time he opened up and essentially “came out” about how he wanted to be a girl. My ex husband and I were devestated. I always knew there was something going on, but you never expect this as a parent. It has been a battle between my ex and I for years. He is very non-supportive and has taken it very hard. My heart went out to my little boy, who I know wants to be a girl. During many hours of therapy I went into total mom mode and found out all I needed to do to deal with the issue. 
 
My son started on hormone blockers to delay puberty at age 12, and he has been on them for the las 3 years. The intention is to stay on them until he reaches age 16, which will be in a few months, then we will start the cross sex hormone therapy. I keep referring to my daughter as “he” because he still presents as a boy. I applaud all of the women for allowing their daughters to present as a girl so early. In order to start the hormone blockers and to get my ex’s approval, he only gave his consent if he continued to present as a boy. That has been a disaster for her, but we are almost thru it. She has been so relieved to not develop as a male. 
 
Doctors always tell you about the start of the hormone blockers and the beginning of the hormone therapy, but little is discussed about the time your child is on the hormone blockers. We have been thru so much therapy going thru it, (our therapist is amazing!), but overall the time in “limbo” has been hell for our family and for my child. Again I applaud the ability of the children who have been able to present female at a younger age, as tough as that may be, it has to be extremely comforting for your child. My daughter has had to present as a boy, and it is very frustrating for her. 
 
The blessing of the hormone blockers (she receives lupron depot injections) is they have worked as prescribed. In contrast I have been able to see Jamie compared to her brother who was relatively the same size and build when Jamie started her injections 3 years ago. Both were in the 5 ft range, Jamie is now about 5’3 and a little over 105 lbs, while her brother has shot up to almost 6 ft tall and probably 165 lbs, relatively big kid for a 14 year old. He is a real close build to my ex husband’s size who is 6’2 and in the 230 lb range and plays football, baseball and wrestling in school. 
 
It’s amazing to see Jamie physically compared to her brother. If Jamie had continued down the path of male puberty and reached the size of my son, I don’t how she would have ever be able to transition to a female, it would have been so difficult. The problem that we deal with everyday socially and as a family, is Jamie still resembles an 12 year old boy; while trying to present as a 15 year old boy. It just doesn’t work, he has very soft features, and his voice has not changed at all. The two boys who were once very close growing up, are not close at all anymore, and Jamie has very little relationship with her father either. This has been the toughest year for her, and she is very anxious to start the hormone therapy in the next year. Which we have all of the therapy support to pursue. 
 
Some of the other challenges. Jamie overall is a very bright young child, does very well in school academically. But in my opinion I would say one of the definite side effects of the puberty suppression is the social maturity of the child somewhat relates to the physical maturity of the person. Jamie does not have many friends at school, and the ones that are female. But very rarely do friends come to our house with her. The one person who Jamie has really bonded with has been with her younger sister who is 11. Which is great from a family perspective, but honestly awkward for me as a parent to see. My youngest is a beautiful young girl in her own right, an accomplished dancer and girly girl who is very supportive of Jamie. But seeing Jamie being the oldest of my three kids, and her younger sister connect who is 4 years her junior, play games (they play wii non-stop), hanging out in each others rooms, watch the same tv shows, talk music and clothes, and primarily hang out with my youngest daughter’s friends is sometimes upsetting for me. Like she is still relating on a 12 year old level. This may be an exception due to situation, but something all mothers should look out for when hormone blockers are administered. I think Jamie is relating to the femininity of my youngest daughter. 
 
The other stressful thing for Jamie is seeing her little sister start puberty and developing. In short time, Jamie will start her hormone therapy, and I guess it is comforting to know that both of them will be going thru it together, and will have each other. 
 
My 14 year old son is kind of mixed up in all of this, and is in therapy as well with us. But he believes Jamie “should just learn how to be a boy, and not grow up as a girl.” He can be very hurtful with his communications with Jamie, but is generally a very good kid, who lacks the understanding of the problem. But I try to constantly educate, but I think he receives a lot of negative feedback from my ex. My ex and I have explored options that he moves in with my ex husband, but my ex husband works as a consultant and travels a lot, so it would never work out. It would be devastating to me for one of my children to move away, but I would do it if it was in his best interest. I do realize and am consciously aware that he gets lost sometimes in all that is going on with Jamie, but do try to compensate by being very involved in his life, especially with sports. We do not miss any of his games. He really likes to assert himself with the “man of the house” posture, which I encourage. In time I hope he will be able to fully support Jamie, as she both needs it and seeks it. He has a healthy relationship with his younger sister. 
 
So there it is my first blog in a nutshell. I am just trying to hang in there and do what’s best for all of my kids and trying to keep my sanity in the process. To be very honest, it has been and is very difficult. I hope the next year is the end of maybe the most difficult phase of Jamie’s transition, and begins her life dream of being the person she always wanted to be. I am excited and nervous for her, as she heads down that journey, as I have been for the last couple of years. But she is already a beautiful person, and she will have all of the opportunities to be the beautiful young woman she deserves. Love you all, Dana

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Entry Filed under: gender identity,gender variance,transgender

32 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Cheryl Cristello  |  December 30, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    Dana- the gift of unconditional love which you are giving your children is absolutely priceless. You are a wonderful example for other parents. The gift which you are giving your daughter is so very powerful. Her story sounds so very much like my own except that when my parents found my hidden clothes and makeup they just confiscated everything, saying nothing. Of course that was the 50’s. By not only allowing but encouraging your daughter to live HER truth openly, honestly is arguably the greatest gift which you can give her. Loving and supporting your three children is indeed the gift of being a parent. I wish you all the very best.
    Cheryl

    • 2. dstevens11  |  December 30, 2009 at 9:05 pm

      Thanks Cheryl – really appreciate your kind words. Have a happy new year!

  • 3. Lori D  |  January 2, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    Hi Dana,
    Thank you for opening up and sharing what has already been a tough road for you and the family. I’m in agreement with your therapist that writing a blog can have a positive impact on dealing with a transition. I’ve blogged since I first began transition three years ago and not only was it cathartic for me to be able to release the thoughts in my aching heart, I also found a wonderful group of people who were helped me steady my legs throughout the process.

    Welcome to the world of blogging. If you ever need any help with blogging ideas or connecting with others, please don’t hesitate to write me.

    As for your daughter Jamie, she might not feel this way right now, but one day she’s going to see just how lucky and blessed she is/was to have a mother like you who was so involved in her daughter’s life and gave her all so that she could be who she is.

    Bless you!
    Lori D

    • 4. dstevens11  |  January 2, 2010 at 4:04 pm

      Thanks Lori for the add and the kind words, again your site is awesome. You offer so many opportunities for support, it’s wonderful. I appreciate the offer for help with the blog, I will probably take you up on it. I am wayyy technically challenged. Thanks again, Love Dana

      • 5. Lori D  |  January 3, 2010 at 12:07 am

        Being able to keep the “technically challenged” around enough to see that there are plenty of resources available to blog and network simply and easily is one of my top goals for sticking around. From what I can see, you’re already on your way. I would also encourage you to add a “Followers” widget/gadget to your site which would more easily enable people to subscribe to all your new posts. If you need help with that send me an email.

        Hugs
        Lori

      • 6. dstevens11  |  January 3, 2010 at 12:57 pm

        Thanks Lori, yeah I do not know how to add that widget or gadget you mentioned. I am not sure if there is a link or something that could explain that. I am very technically challenged. Thanks again, Dana.

  • 7. Abby  |  January 2, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Dana, your daughter Jamie is very lucky to have such a loving and supportive mother. I hope it won’t be long after Jamie starts on estrogen before she can start living as the girl she is. Living full time as Abby has been an incredible blessing for me.

    • 8. dstevens11  |  January 2, 2010 at 4:15 pm

      Thanks Abby for the kind words – I’m glad you’ve have found blessing in your life, I have so much respect for your journey. The goal is to have Jamie start estrogen therapy sometime this year, very slowly. We’re seeing the therapy process through (she has been on hormone blockers), but we know it is who she is. Thanks for the support. Love, Dana

  • 9. Caroline  |  January 2, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    In any sane society what your ex is doing is child abuse and would have had society screaming for retribution but we live in an insane society and he is GIVEN the right to abuse a fellow human being.

    I am lost for words at this sort of behaviour towards a fellow human being with a recognised medical condition.

    Caroline xx

    • 10. dstevens11  |  January 2, 2010 at 4:44 pm

      Thanks Caroline, I agree I am at a lost for words sometime as well. But I do understand people’s reaction, because it is a hard thing to understand. It was an extremely hard thing for me to understand, and it took a lot of therapy and time to get a grip on it. I just try to stay positive and want happiness for all my children, and family. My ex husband has had a really tough time with it, but I am grateful that he continues to pursue a relationship with her, and stays interested in her treatment, whether he agrees with it or not. I’m sure many fathers have a tough time with it, and just pray that time will help heal that wound. My immediate concern is my son Drew, as his support is very important to Jamie and crucial for her to take the next steps. I have my fingers crossed. Thanks for the support. Love, Dana

  • 11. Jill  |  January 2, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    Hi, Dana. My female-to-male trans kid is now 29 y.o. Overall he is doing really well. I applaud you for all your efforts on behalf of your kid’s life of honesty & integrity. It’s hard in the beginning, but it gets easier and better. I went to PFLAG mtgs when Kelly came out as trans to educate myself. It helped a lot. Feel free to contact me. Wishing you and your family all the best in this new year of transition. Jill

    • 12. dstevens11  |  January 3, 2010 at 12:29 pm

      Hi Jill – Glad to hear your son is dong well. I love to hear those stories that at 29 he has adjusted so well. I get so concerned about her future, and what it will be like. I can relate to you on hard it is in the beginning, and to hear it gets easier. Thanks for the head up on PFLAG, I will look into it. Thanks for the well wishes. Love, Dana

  • 13. Melissa  |  January 2, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    Kudos to you, on the way you have supported your transgendered child! I’m not as charitable as you, when it comes o your husband and son. There has been just way too much public information on this subject over the last several decades, for anyone to use the excuse that they just don’t understand. That’s just a lame excuse for selfish intolerance. Jamie is your husband’s child,for God’s sake! Parent’s don’t own their children like chattel. Children are entrusted to their parents for a time, to be loved, nurtured and supported, not judged, ridiculed, or expected to conform to their parent’s notions of what they should be, regardless of their nature. Your husband and your son both need to grow up, and understand that love for Jamie, will overcome their discomfort with her being something other than what they expected.

    Best wishes to you and your family for the New Year!

    Melissa XX

    • 14. dstevens11  |  January 3, 2010 at 12:42 pm

      Thanks Melissa – I know what you’re saying, and don’t disagree. But there are still a lot of people out there that still need education on gender identity disorders, I can say I was one of those people before I became aware of Jamie’s issues. Trust me, I was pretty naive. So I just try to be positive and patient, and like I’ve said, allow therapy to do it’s work. According to my therapist, my husband’s and son’s reaction is not abnormal (I do wish they were more supportive) but I am looking towards the long term family health. I know it’s a long haul. It’s amazing just how much I have learned the last week or so, with all the great blogs and websites from the transgendered woman on-line. Thanks for wishes, and wishing you a great new year as well. Love, Dana

  • 15. Jill  |  January 2, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    I can understand the anger, frustration, and impatience of those who are reacting to the behavior of the ex-husband and younger brother — but please, let’s be loving, tolerant, and patient towards them as they process this. It’s the best way to model what love and patience look like, and not harm ourselves with the boomerang of intolerance we are trying to heal. This is not an intellectual acceptance; it is an emotional grief for the dreams and expectations that are many years in the making. My ex-husband took longer than me to accept our trans kid’s new gender identity, but he has come around. Let LOVE heal the grief. Anger and attack usually lead to more defenses & attacks than to healing. Give them the space, and eventually they will either accept or distance themselves. In my humble opinion, I see my job as being the best support I can be. I did not want to make my kid’s father out to be a monster, but just a man going through his own process of letting go of many years of definitions & expectations. It’s quite a journey. My 86-year-old Jewish parents took the news of their grandchild’s transition very well, saying “We see that stuff on Oprah.” You never know who will react in different ways. I say,”Let peace begin with me.” Jill

    • 16. dstevens11  |  January 3, 2010 at 12:49 pm

      Hi Jill – Could not of said any better. I totally agree. Appreciate your comment. Love, Dana

  • 17. Cheryl Cristello  |  January 2, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    FEAR. Fear all too often dictates our actions how we live our lives, how we react to situations. Fear of that which we do not understand, including ourselves, often causes us to act, behave inappropriately. I so very much admire and respect the parents who love their transgender children unconditionally. Eleanor Roosevelt once said “We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.” Parents like Dana are changing the world in the most profound ways.

    • 18. dstevens11  |  January 3, 2010 at 12:54 pm

      Hi Cheryl – If you knew me personally, I am not the type of person who “changes the world”, my mother would be laughing. Thanks or the inspiring words. FEAR is a very strong emotion, indeed. Love, Dana

  • 19. Sarah Jane  |  January 3, 2010 at 8:33 am

    Jamie is truly blessed to have a strong and understanding parent such as you, your love and support will make all the difference in her life. Having a sister who likes her big sister is also a plus, considering the attitude of Jamie’s brother.

    Her brother and father must learn to accept the changes that are happening to Jamie and morn for the loss of the ‘son’.

    You seem to have a strong plan and a determined stance to helping your daughter come to know her true self. Try and get her father to attend PFLAG, they have some great literature to help families.
    Peace and Love
    Sarah

    • 20. dstevens11  |  January 3, 2010 at 1:06 pm

      Thanks Sarah, I will comment on you “mourn the loss of the son” statement in a blog at some point. That is such an emotional concept that is very real for all of us dealing with Jamie’s condition. As a parent it’s something that I have feared at the last few years, but know I have to get past it (I am not completely there but almost) and you’re right my ex and son have to get there as well to progress. I have faith that we’ll get there. Love, Dana

  • 21. Zoe Brain  |  January 3, 2010 at 8:37 am

    Hi Dana!

    Zoe Brain here, and for my sins, I’m considered as something of an expert in this area. I just wish I knew more.

    I’m not a therapist, medical practitioner or psychologist. On the other hand, I’ve been called on by professors of medicine and psychology to teach their students about the issue, so I must know something.

    First – Congratulations! You’re doing almost perfectly! If I were to give any advice to the parents of a girl in your daughter’s situation, I’d use your actions as a model.

    Keeping up the boy act – and act is what it is – will be increasingly stressful for your daughter. I would normally recommend ceasing it immediately, but in your case, perhaps not. The confluence of estrogen HRT, and more importantly, having a sister also going through puberty at the same time, will give real benefits. They’ll be closer to being twins than older/younger siblings, in both maturity and social development.

    My expertise though is not in giving advice or treatment: it’s in the causation of Intersex conditions. And Transsexuality is essentially a purely biological Intersex condition, one where certain parts of the brain are strongly feminine.

    Your daughter was never a boy: not from at least the 26th week of gestation. She just had a body that looked masculine.

    That’s not to say that your daughter is an “ordinary” girl. She may be as feminine as you are in many respects – such as your sense of smell (more acute than your ex-husband’s), sense of hearing, visio-spatial relationship perception, all the things we scientists can measure and say “males have X here, females Y, because their brains are different”.

    But in some respects her brain will be partly masculinised (as many women’s brains are), and in others just plain anomalous.

    Some of the likely effects (no guarantees) include a high IQ, ability to think both linearly and in parallel, a high intuition, talent in music, military science and engineering, and generally to have more capabilities than ordinary men or women. Rather than being an “ordinary” girl, once she’s past this difficult period of transition and puberty, she is very likely to be extraordinary.

    Transsexual Girls who engage in typical female play patterns when young – as it appears your daughter did – are often referred to as “Primary” or “Type VI” Trans women. They have extreme difficulty pretending to be boys, and the sooner they don’t have to, the better. “Secondary” or “Type V” Trans women can cope till past their 20’s. Primaries cannot, and if they don’t at least start transition before age 16, well, the prognosis is very poor indeed.

    Yes, you have saved your daughter’s life. About half of the primaries who don’t get treatment before age 20 don’t survive, and few survive beyond age 25 without it.

    But you did perfectly with the hormone-blockers and HRT timing.

    Primaries are almost exclusively androphillic in sexual orientation once puberty is underway. Both your daughters are likely to be as “Boy crazy” as you were at your younger daughter’s age.

    This may cause problems given your older daughter’s atypical anatomy.

    There’s so much more I’d like to say, I’ve seen the results of treatment regimes like your daughter’s, and they’re wonderful!

    Meanwhile, have a look at some “secondaries” – women who were able to keep up the boy act till at least their late 20’s, or even 40’s.

    Four Extraordinary Women.

    And to see the rather more beautiful results in younger transitioners, visit Prof Lynn Conway‘s page.

    Once more, congratulations, to both you and your family. And it’s possible I may be able to help your son and your -ex understand the situation from a biological viewpoint. That may help acceptance.

    It doesn’t take a Rocket Scientist to understand – though I am one of those, as it turns out.

    • 22. Candida  |  January 5, 2010 at 5:36 pm

      Dear Zoe,
      I’ve just read your paragraph about ‘Some of the likely effects…’
      I have an 8-year-old mtf child and you could be describing him(her)! (I’m still using male pronouns so will refer to him as ‘he’.) He is incredibly bright, plays 4 instruments (violin, cello, cornet and recorder), loves art and drama but also loves engineering, maths and construction. I think you’re right – whether he eventually ends up presenting as male or female, he will be an exceptional person!

  • 23. F. Lloyd  |  January 4, 2010 at 3:11 am

    Hi Dana,
    I found your blog through a link on a Facebook friend’s page. I am a father of two grown sons,a truck driver, and am considered to be a “mans man”. In my early forties, I finally admited to myself that I am gay- I have also realized that I have TG “issues”, which go back to my childhood. When I am able to be comfortable enough to be “myself” is when I am most content and happy. I wonder how my life might have been different had I had a mother as smart and understanding as you are. Of course, that was a different time also, and I hold no resentments against my parents.
    Jamie is a blessed young girl to have such a supportive and educated family. I do believe Jamie’s father will come to accept her for who she is- it may take some time, but I believe it will happen.
    I wish every child could be blessed with a Mother like you.
    Good luck, you deserve good things to happen in your future.

    • 24. dstevens11  |  January 4, 2010 at 9:48 pm

      Thanks, I hope your right about Jamie’s father. I hope you find everything you are looking for with life. I am one’s persons opinion but I can’t stress enough the benefits of therapy, and being able to talk through these type of issues. It has been a godsend to Jamie, and our family. Good luck you as well, and you deserve good things as well 🙂 Love, Dana

  • 25. Sherry Ann  |  January 4, 2010 at 10:20 am

    I don’t have words to describe how wonderful you are as a mother. Few challenges could be greater than to face dealing with a child with GID. That you were brave enough to deal with it early, and correctly is so wonderful.

    If you ever have second thoughts consider what you would deal with, and Jamie too, if it was ignored or suppressed for 10, 20 or 30 years. I know, I was Jamie 50 years ago. I secretly dressed as a young child, and hid who I was for decades. I began hormons at age 45 and transitioned at 50. It is so rewarding now to read stories like yours and know that girls like Jamie will have a great chance for happiness.

    I hope you will continue to share your journey. Know that there are so many that are with you and Jamie.

    Sherry

    • 26. dstevens11  |  January 4, 2010 at 9:53 pm

      Hi Sherry, thanks really appreciate it. I hope to share, but most importantly learn from all of you. It’s amazing to hear all of these stories of adult transition, I had no idea. Love, Dana

  • 27. Abby  |  January 4, 2010 at 11:43 pm

    Dana, many of the people who have commented here found your blog through Facebook, since both Lori and I posted the link and encouraged our friends to visit and comment. There is a large community of transgender people of all ages, as well as parents and children of trans people. Facebook has become a vital source of friendship and support or me. If you’re not already there, I encourage you to join. You can find my profile here: http://www.facebook.com/abigail.jensen. Send me a friend request there and I’d be happy to introduce you around.

  • 28. Candida  |  January 5, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    Dear Dana,
    your story sounds very familiar – I know many similar situations through ‘Mermaids’, the family support group in the UK. My own is slightly different in that my child is one of those who came out very young (he has been expressing his feminine persona ever since he started to communicate, even before he learned to talk) and is now 8 years old and presenting as a boy at school but a girl the rest of the time. I think you’re doing a great job and I envy you hugely living in a country where puberty blockers are available. In the UK we are not allowed to have them until age 16 which is clearly too late to be of any use. My child is destined to be 6’4″ unless we get intervention but that will mean travelling to the States for treatment! The Mermaids group and GIRES are lobbying to get the rules changed but it will take a long time, if it happens at all. (GIRES is a brilliant organisation over here – their website has a lot of useful information about what transgenderism is and how to tackle it. You might find some of it helpful for your other family members.)
    Good luck with everything – it’s a long hard road but parental support makes an enormous difference, so keep up the good work!

    • 29. dstevens11  |  January 5, 2010 at 10:47 pm

      Hi Candida – I hope for your daughter’s sake that you can find the right therapy for her. The greatest benefit of the hormone blockers is if you need to change direction, normal puberty can start for the child. I was extremely nervous when we first went down that route, but that was comforting to me that you can just resume if things change. What’s been eye opening for me, that was not so clear then, was seeing her younger brother (they are only separated by 15 months) develop so fast. As Jamie was in her holding pattern, Drew who was roughly the same size as her when she started her medication literally just blew past her, he’s already a big boy. By comparison Drew has the broad shoulders, Jamie’s shoulders are narrow, he’s already lifting weights for the sports he plays – so he is muscular, obviously with no testosterone she has very soft features, Drew has a size 11 foot (seems like I am buying the boy shoes every week), Jamie has a size 5.5 boys shoe size, he’s shaves almost everyday with an electric razor, she has no facial hair, Drew’s face is already building masculine bone structure, Jamie’s hasn’t at all. I can’t even imagine the stress and agony she would have gone thru, if she did not have this option and I am sure if she did not want to pursue the transition, she could have caught up. Drew is 6 ft and growing in the direction of the 6’4 you mentioned, Jamie is 5’3. The last couple of years has helped put that in perspective for me, to me it is so worth it for the happiness of the child with GID. You can’t deny it.

      On a funny note, being 5’4 myself, and always feeling on the short side of life, I was always jealous and envious of tall women and models. I think a 6 ft woman looks very glamourous. But I definitely understand the sensitivity compounded with the masculine development that needs the corrective procedures and surgeries. It can be avoided if dealt and diagnosed early. I hope that opportunity comes your way for your child. Love, Dana

  • 30. Julia Bourgeois  |  January 9, 2010 at 9:39 am

    You are a truly wonderful person. I can only echo the praise others have left above. I wish you all the very best of luck on the road ahead; I am sure given your qualities of openness, unconditional love, courage and honesty that you will sail past whatever obstacles arise.

    • 31. dstevens11  |  January 10, 2010 at 8:14 am

      Hi Julia – Thanks for your comments. Really appreciate your wells wishes, wish you all the luck as well. Love, Dana

  • 32. Jerica  |  January 19, 2010 at 9:29 am

    Well I figured I’d start at the beginning since I found the Whirlwind post.

    I was taken back to my own childhood by your descriptions. I am the oldest in my family as well, then my brother, and then my sister.

    I really didn’t know what was going on in myself though and I chose to withdraw to my room to read or work on computers while my younger brother and sister played with each other.

    I will say that although my brother was not supportive at the beginning, (he thought I shouldn’t do it because he knew it would ruin my marriage) he is now pretty supportive and is the only one from my immediate family that will even see or talk to me regularly.

    So I hope that Jaime’s brother will be able to work past this too.


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