New Year’s Day

January 1, 2010 dstevens11
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This was the first years night in a very long time, where I did not go anywhere on New Years night, and just stayed home. Many years we would be with either family or friends, or hit downtown for a night partying. I love New Years night, the lights, the sounds, the drinks, the dancing..all of that. 

A couple of weeks ago my son Drew got invited to his best friends family party for New Years and was asked to sleep over. I was disappointed my family unit would not be together, and that’s ok. We got a lot of invites from a couple of my girlfriends, but most parties were not kid friendly, and they were all getting babysitters. 

So I just decided on a quiet night with Jamie and Aly. We bought some take–out, and chips and just set up camp in front of the tv in the living room. Jamie knowing her brother was gone for the night, decided to wear a pair of pj’s her sister gave her for christmas. Jamie was excited because they were of the pink leggins and matching big niteshirt variety, and she could hang out with her sister without her brother around making fun of her or making feel uncomfortable.

Many a year I watched ABC’s Dick Clark’s rockin new year show, or whatever it’s called as a background. This year was the first year I was actually watched it. In my last post I mentioned that Jamie has been coming out about her feelings for boys, and I got another experience with that last night, when one Justin Bieber came out and sing. My two daughters were going crazy over him, much like I did in my Rick Springfield days 🙂 And when Selena Gomez came out to sing with Justin, both girls simultaneously said, “ohh I’m so jealous, and I hate you” kiddingly in typical girl fashion. They also really dug Robin Thicke, which was funny, because I did not realize that was Alan Thicke’s son. 

They spent the whole night dancing and goofing around, we had a lot of fun. Jamie and Aly hung out like two sisters the entire night, and we all fell asleep on the couch. It’s a reminder to me that things are going to be ok, we just have to ease Jamie comfortably into the house over the next several months with her brother, and then externally with her father and the rest of the world. There is no doubt in my mind that it is the right thing for her, when she is able to present her true personality, she is so alive and confident. Our therapist is encouraging some outings to present herself early this year, and start building her female personna.

We have hesitated to allowing her to grow her hair long, because she is so feminine looking as it is, it could attract more negative attention at school. But this being the last few months of presenting as a boy, we may just start that as we build toward the summer. She could easily pass as a female already, just not one her age.

It was a nice start to the year, my son even remembered to call me at midnight, to tell me happy new year and the nicest comment I like to hear, I love you mom. Can’t get better then that. 

Hope everyone had a nice New Year, and will have a great 010. Can’t believe that is actually the year. Surreal. Love – Dana

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Entry Filed under: gender identity,gender variance,hormones,trans youth,transgender,transition

30 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Lori D  |  January 2, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    You’ve received a mere taste of what life could be like once Jamie’s completed her transition. She’ll finally be allowed to pursue all the other things she’ll find important in life, and the drama and confusion going through everyone’s mind will have settled. Most of all, you’ll see how well-adjusted and content Jamie is to be herself, and you’ll be thankful you did what you thought was the right choice for your daughter.

    Don’t forget about you, Momma. You have needs and desires, too. If you’re able to don’t forget to treat yourself to the simple niceties of life once in a while. You deserve all the support and validation in the world, just like each of your children does.

  • 2. Lori D  |  January 2, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    I hope you don’t mind but I added your site to another site called T-Central. You can find it at
    http://t-central.blogspot.com

  • 3. Sarah Vestal  |  January 2, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    I applaud what you are doing for Jaime. As a 6’4″ post op trans in my 50s, I can only lament not having this treatment available to me when I was Jaime’s age. My best wishes and prayers are with you during the next year. 🙂

    • 4. dstevens11  |  January 2, 2010 at 4:27 pm

      Thanks Sarah, appreciate it. I can’t tell you how many times I have second guessed myself, for being supportive of the puberty suppression therapy that Jamie has been on. Hearing from women like yourself, continues to reaffirm our decision to do so. I know it will allow her to have a successful transition – as I stated in one of my posts, it’s amazing to see the physical difference between Jamie and her brother who are very close in age. It definitely would have been lot of lot tougher for her. The “timeout” period she has been in the last few years, is still very tough on her socially, but she is sooo excited about the future. Thanks for the wishes and the prayers, mine will be with you as well. Love, Dana

  • 5. Caroline  |  January 2, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    If you think you know the quantity of heartbreak and suffering you are going to save Jamie having to suffer and then multiply it by 100 you will be starting to realise just what a wonderful thing you are doing for your child.

    I have lived and measured that pain of living a half life with no place in society and it is not a life worth living.

    Wishing your family my best wishes.

    Caroline XX

  • 6. Calie  |  January 2, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Hi Dana!

    You are so doing the right thing. Jamie will grow up as the girl she was meant to me.

    It is difficult for others to relate to this, but as a trans person who should have transitioned at that age, let me say that you are saving her from such unnecessary turmoil in the future.

    It is so important to make the change at this time in Jamie’s life, prior to the effects of testosterone, which many older MtF’s consider as something that has poisoned their bodies.

    If there are any doubts, delayed puberty is always an option. Just don’t let the T do it’s thing to Jamie at this point in her life.

    My best to all of you.

    Calie xxx

    • 7. dstevens11  |  January 2, 2010 at 4:50 pm

      Thanks Callie for the kind words. She is on medication to delay her puberty, so you are exactly right we are not allowing the T to do it’s thing. Just nervous as hell, to allow E to do it’s thing. She is close to starting some kind of estrogen therapy this year, which from my own puberty experience many moons ago is no cake walk either 🙂 lol But I know it is what she wants and needs. Thanks for your support. Love, Dana

  • 8. Diana Powe  |  January 2, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    This is a wonderful, loving thing that you’re doing for Jamie. I transitioned from male to female at age 46 in 2000 while working as a police officer with the Richardson Police Department in Texas. While I was fortunate not to have been very large and could probably have transitioned relatively smoothly without it, I still spent about $25,000 on facial feminization surgery with Doug Ousterhout in San Francisco. How I wish I could have had the comparably tiny amount of dollars in testosterone blockers when I was Jamie’s age! I’m just thrilled that more and more transkids are being helped before puberty makes unwanted and expensive to correct changes.

    You’re a great mom!

    • 9. dstevens11  |  January 2, 2010 at 5:02 pm

      Thanks for the kind words Diana. It’s stories like yours that make me grateful for having a great therapist who has guided us along the way. At the time Jamie was sooo terrified on the oncoming puberty changes, and feels fortunate already to have resisted them. She is very excited about next steps. As a parent there is always that doubt that is there in the back of your mind, are you doing the right thing? But time and time again, adult woman like yourself reaffirm. Thanks for your support. Congrats on your successful transition. Love, Dana

  • 10. Jenny Boylan  |  January 2, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    it is moving to read this blog. I want to wish your family love and peace and hope. We are another family with a trans person in it, and we have done very well these last 10 years. Most of the time– no, wait, all of the time– we forget there is anything unusual about us.

    Jennifer Finney Boylan

    • 11. dstevens11  |  January 2, 2010 at 4:54 pm

      Thanks for your nice comment Jenny – That’s my goal as well, to “forget that there is anything unusual about us”. You said it perfect! I think Jamie is reaching for the point where she feels there is nothing unusual about her. I just try to continue to build her self-esteem. I know her wishes are coming. I am grateful your family found happiness. Thanks for the support. Love, Dana

  • 12. James Johnson  |  January 2, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    What a fantastic mom you are!Thank you for sharing what you’re going through. I’m transgender myself (ftm) and I, like many others who have commented here, just wish I could have transitioned at her age. Jamie’s a lucky girl to have such a loving and supportive mother, and I wish you all the very best.

    • 13. dstevens11  |  January 3, 2010 at 12:22 pm

      Thanks James, appreciate the supportive wishes. I’m lucky to have a beautiful child like Jamie in my life.

  • 14. Stef  |  January 2, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    Dana,
    Your blog brought tears to my eyes. I’m 62 years old and only wish that I could go back 50 years and be put on blockers before testosterone turned me into the Incredible Hulk. Believe me, you’re doing the right thing for Jamie. Best of luck to you.
    Stef

    • 15. dstevens11  |  January 3, 2010 at 12:23 pm

      Thanks Stef, appreciate the support.

  • 16. Roxanne  |  January 2, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    Dana,
    Bless you, mom, for seeing the importance of unconditional love and the needs of your child over the dictates of society. We all wish we had the early opportunity you are giving Jamie. Although there will still be many challenges ahead (the teen years are difficult in the best of circumstances lol), you have set the right path.
    My best to you both for the coming year!
    Roxanne

    • 17. dstevens11  |  January 3, 2010 at 12:30 pm

      Thanks Roxanne, appreciate it.

  • 18. Zoe Brain  |  January 3, 2010 at 9:09 am

    Hi Dana!

    Once more, your story has given me a great big cheesy grin of happiness.

    Transition is never easy for anyone in the family, but you are doing magnificently. Please accept one “Attagirl!”.

    Feel free to contact me – my email addy’s available at my blog, just click “view my complete profile”. I’m at your disposal to give any help I can.

    Hugs and Happy New Year,
    Zoe

    • 19. Jo  |  January 3, 2010 at 11:47 am

      Hi Dana

      I just wanted to add my voice to all those above. You are doing a great thing, full of unconditional love. What more can a parent give? I’d echo what others have said about what you are saving your girl from – the heartache, the pain, the lost years (I am 48 – and I only faced who I was two years ago, after constructing a whole life). Likewise, the world will be able to see her as who she is from almost the outset – no great bombshells to drop on an increasing number of significant others when she’s 20 or 30 or 40…

      It seems like you have a good set of therapists in place, and they and you will watch closely as the estrogen does its thing.

      Can you enlist the support of the school in this?

      • 20. dstevens11  |  January 3, 2010 at 1:40 pm

        Hi Jo – Thanks for the kind words. Not really sure what to do about the school or not. We are really going to have to think about that strategy. If it was up to Jamie, I KNOW she would like to stay in the school she is now (which is public) is she was to present as a female next fall. I would totally respect her wishes. We could possibly do a private school (not sure if I could afford it, but would definitely pursue it). So to be honest – not sure. We may just do a home schooling situation, it’s not a bridge we have crossed yet. I know it’s coming. Love, Dana

    • 21. dstevens11  |  January 3, 2010 at 1:29 pm

      Thanks Zoe, I can’t wait to tell my therapist in my next appointment that 1) I took her advice and started a blog 2) She was right, the experience has been extremely helpful 3) Already met amazing people with great insights 4) Actually corresponded with a rocket scientist 🙂 Your insights are amazing and very compelling. As a parent I have just tried to treat the problem, when your child cuts his arm, you put a band aid over it, when the break a bone – you reset it, when they have a cold – you treat it. How they did it, or caught it, is really not important – you just fix it. The last few years, I have been just trying to fix it, I am a pretty uncomplicated person in general. Irresponsibly I have not tired to really “learn” about Jamie’s condition. But as we near the next steps in her journey I am trying to make a commitment in doing so. To get more involved, in her best interest. Like I said it is so scary! Starting this blog is one of my first steps. The hormones, the school, society, social, family, sexual preferences, surgery, and on and on and on. It can be overwhelming. Your insights are so right on I believe with Jamie she is “primary” as you state, and her therapist has been saying that to me as well. Although she has agreed with our position to allow this time to pass before administer any more aggressive treatments that are irreversible. I agree with you the fact the Jamie and Aly who will be essentially starting their physical puberty at the same time is comforting (they are very close); I am a little concerned that Jamie will lost sight of her age group mentally and socially. I already see that pattern. She is a straight A student at school, but is still emotionally immature for her age. In the long run, it probably does not matter, but concerned for her self-esteem and confidence. We’ll see. Thanks again, and a happy new year to you as well. Love, Dana

      • 22. Zoe Brain  |  January 4, 2010 at 4:46 am

        Having a late start may be no bad thing.

        The anatomical issue will cause problems in a dating situation. Until that’s solved, being a little slow in socialising is wise.

        But I’d rather discuss this in private e-mails.

        Time to think about the issue now though. In 3 years time, well, you remember what it was like. Your boy may have to run interference for both his sisters, yet not be over-protective.

        Ah, the joys of parenthood. My boy’s 8, so this is something for me to look forward to. Not.

        Hugs, Zoe

  • 23. Diana  |  January 3, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    thank you for sharing your story with us.
    i am sure it will be helpful to others in the future.
    what a wonderful loving mom you are to be so supportive of your child.
    hugs Diana

    • 24. dstevens11  |  January 4, 2010 at 9:41 pm

      Thanks Diana, appreciate your kind words

  • 25. Renee  |  January 3, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    I don’t have a lot to add, except to say kudos. I love this blog already, and can’t wait to read further installments. Your daughter is incredibly blessed…as are you.

    • 26. dstevens11  |  January 4, 2010 at 9:43 pm

      Thanks for the kudos Renee. I am blessed to have her in my life. Love, Dana

  • 27. April  |  January 3, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    You are the mother that every trans person wishes they had. Years ago you gave her life and now you’re making it worth living for her. I cannot express how wonderful it is that you are there for her.

    • 28. Zoe Brain  |  January 4, 2010 at 4:50 am

      Exactly. Dana, April’s saying something every TS person is feeling, looking at your blog.

      You’re rare. I wish it weren’t so, but it is. All your children have an extraordinary Mom.

    • 29. dstevens11  |  January 4, 2010 at 9:44 pm

      Thanks April, appreciate the kind words.

  • 30. Jerica  |  January 19, 2010 at 9:36 am

    What a great new year! I’m sorry I can’t help but comment on all of these posts because I’m so enamored by the situation at hand…and of course a little jealous and regretful that my own teenage years were not so fruitful.


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